In the journey of life, relationships are the vessels that carry us through experiences of love, growth and connection. However, when a relationship turns toxic, it can drain you emotionally, mentally and even physically. Understanding what constitutes a toxic relationship, recognizing the signs and learning how to set boundaries or move on are crucial steps towards your wellbeing.

In this article, we’ll explore the nature of toxic relationships, how to identify them and practical strategies for setting boundaries or walking away for your own health and happiness.

What is a Toxic Relationship?

A toxic relationship is characterized by behaviors and patterns that are detrimental to one or both partners. These relationships are often imbalanced, manipulative and filled with conflict. Recognizing toxic behavior is the first step towards addressing it and seeking a healthier dynamic or deciding to let go.

Signs of a toxic relationship

  • Lack of Support: Your partner is unsupportive or dismissive of your feelings and achievements.
  • Toxic Communication: You face constant criticism, belittling or passive-aggressiveness.
  • Jealousy: Unhealthy levels of jealousy that lead to possessiveness and control.
  • Controlling Behaviors: Attempts to control who you see, what you do or how you spend your time.
  • Resentment: Holding on to grudges and letting them fester.
  • Dishonesty: Persistent lying or keeping secrets from each other.
  • Patterns of Disrespect: Repeatedly crossing boundaries or showing a lack of respect.
  • Neglecting Needs: Your emotional or physical needs are consistently ignored.

Understanding these signs is pivotal in acknowledging that a relationship is toxic and taking the necessary steps to protect your wellbeing.

How to Set Boundaries

Setting boundaries is an act of self-respect. It involves communicating your needs, limits, and expectations to establish how you want to be treated.

What are boundaries?

Boundaries are the guidelines or limits that a person sets to identify reasonable, safe, and permissible ways for others to behave towards them and how they will respond when someone steps beyond those limits.

Steps to setting boundaries in a relationship

  1. Identify Your Limits: Reflect on what you can tolerate and accept and what makes you feel uncomfortable or stressed.
  2. Communicate Clearly: Use “I” statements to assert your feelings and needs without blaming or criticizing.
  3. Be Direct: Be straightforward about what your boundaries are with your partner.
  4. Give Yourself Permission: You have a right to practice self-care and set boundaries. It’s not selfish; it’s healthy.
  5. Start Small: Begin with a less challenging boundary, then gradually address more significant issues as you gain confidence.
  6. Enforce Consequences: If your boundaries are crossed, follow through with the consequences you’ve set.

Setting boundaries in a relationship is not a one-time event but a continuous process that can lead to a more balanced and fulfilling relationship. If the toxic behavior persists, it may be time to consider letting go.

How to Move On from a Toxic Relationship

Moving on from any relationship is challenging, but leaving a toxic one can be particularly difficult due to the complex emotional bonds that may have formed. Here’s how to start the process of moving on.

Recognize that it’s okay to leave

Realize that it’s okay to walk away from a relationship that’s harmful to your wellbeing. Your health and happiness should be a priority. Leaving a toxic relationship can take an incredible amount of courage, as toxic relationships may cut you off from your support system or other vital resources. If you fear that you cannot leave a toxic relationship due to physical, financial or emotional abuse, the National Domestic Violence Hotline has resources for helping you leave a toxic relationship safely.

Make a clean break

Ending a toxic relationship usually requires a clean break. Limit contact or cut it off completely to avoid being pulled back into the negativity. This can be easier said than done; however, there are several ways that you can make it easier to go no-contact with a past relationship, such as blocking them on social media, deleting their contact information or seeking accountability for no or low contact with a friend or loved one.

Seek support

Leaving a toxic relationship can feel overwhelming. It’s essential to lean on a support system of friends, family or a therapist who can offer guidance and emotional support. Some therapists specialize in relationship trauma, which can be especially helpful in the case of healing from a toxic relationship. You may also find support groups at your local women’s shelter, who often deal with a high amount of toxic relationship cases, or through various groups online.

Rebuild your self-esteem

Toxic relationships can take a toll on your self-esteem. Engage in activities that make you feel good about yourself and rebuild your confidence. Getting out of your comfort zone with a new activity or style can help you rebuild positive associations with your self-worth. Things like affirmations, journaling and mindfulness are also great activities to help rebuild your sense of self separate from a relationship.

Allow yourself to grieve

It is completely normal and understandable to experience feelings of grief and sadness when a relationship comes to an end, especially if it was toxic. It is important to give yourself permission to acknowledge and process these emotions without self-criticism or judgment. By allowing yourself to feel and express your emotions, you can begin to heal and move forward in a healthy way. Remember that it is okay to take as much time as you need to grieve and come to terms with the end of the relationship.

Moving forward from a toxic relationship

When you’re ready, start taking steps towards your future. Set new goals, explore new interests and open yourself up to new relationships that are healthy and fulfilling.

Toxic relationships can be deeply damaging, but recognizing the signs and taking action to set boundaries or leave the relationship is a powerful step towards a healthier, happier you. By implementing the strategies discussed, you can navigate away from toxic relationships and towards a life filled with healthier connections. 

At Old Vineyard, we understand that toxic relationships can have a profound effect on mental health. Our trauma recovery program is designed to help people who have experienced trauma through trauma-focused cognitive behavioral therapy (TF-CBT). Schedule an assessment online, or call us today at 855-602-5920 to see if this program is right for you.

Old Vineyard Behavioral Health Services

Old Vineyard Behavioral Health Services is a treatment center that provides compassionate inpatient and outpatient treatment to help those achieve meaningful mental health and wellness. We treat a variety of behavioral health disorders including trauma, depression, mood disorders and more.

Our team of dedicated staff pride themselves on creating a safe and welcoming environment for all of our patients and their loved ones. Some of our services include our treatment, specialty and outpatient programs. Located in Winston-Salem, North Carolina, we provide a beautiful, campus-like atmosphere.

To schedule a consultation with us or for more information, please call 855-602-5920.